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In Jewish law (halakha), betrothal (Hebrew: shiddukhin) or engagement is defined as the mutual promise between a man and a woman to contract a marriage at some future time and the formulation of the terms on which it shall take place.The promise may be made by the intending parties or one made by their respective parents or other relatives on their behalf. (Kiddushin 9b) The betrothal does not in itself affect the personal status of the parties, nor does it give either party the right to claim specific performance.
Traditionally, engagements for marriage were generally brought about by a third person, often a professional match-maker ("shadchan"). The process is called Shidduchim (Hebrew: matches). The shadchan received a "brokerage-fee" fixed by law or agreed upon by custom, as a rule a small percentage of the dowry. It was paid by either of the parties, or each paid one-half, at the betrothal or after the Jewish wedding. The rabbi, as a person enjoying special confidence, was also often employed as intermediary. Although the marriage preliminaries were the concern of the parents, their children were not forced into marriage over their objections.
Today, many young people find their marriage partners, and many intending marriage couples do not enter into formal betrothals, but the parents of the couple are still usually involved in the marriage arrangements.
Marriage (kiddushin and nissu'in)
In Jewish law, marriage consists of two separate acts, called kiddushin (or erusin) and nissu'in respectively. Kiddushin changes the couple's personal status, while nissu'in brings about the legal consequences of the change of status.
There are three ways for a Jewish couple to effect kiddushin (Mishna, Tractate Kiddushin ):
Halachically, a Jewish marriage is a personal act between a man and a woman. The actual marriage is the declaration of marriage (consecration) by the man and acceptance by the woman. The function of the rabbi is to act as the advisor to the couple, and the guests are the witnesses. The civil law of many countries requires the rabbi also to act as an agent for the State during the marriage ceremony, and for two independent witnesses to sign the Jewish wedding certificate.
Jewish Marriage Ceremony
A modern Jewish ketubah.
The ketubah (pl. ketubot) lays out rights of the wife (to monetary payments upon termination of the marriage by death or divorce), and obligations of the husband (providing food, shelter, clothing, and sexual satisfaction to the wife). Due to its overriding importance, it was not written in the Hebrew language, but in Aramaic, the lingua franca of Jews at the time ketubot became standardized.
Orthodox Judaism uses a traditional ketubah based on the forms that evolved and were standardized in ancient times. There are minor variations between Orthodox groups, but none of major legal or theological difference. While Jews today no longer speak Aramaic, Orthodox ketubot are still written in this language. Nowadays many Orthodox ketubot also have translations into English or other vernacular languages.
Conservative Judaism uses a traditional ketubah, but has incorporated two changes. Aramaic ketubot are still used, but since Hebrew has been reborn as a living language, an official Hebrew version is now sometimes used. A second change is that a new paragraph is allowed as an option as a "prenuptial agreement"; this paragraph includes a directive that if the couple ever gets a civil (non-religious) divorce, they must go to a Bet Din ("Rabbinical court") and follow its directives, which tells the husband that he must give his wife a get, a Jewish divorce. This known as the "Lieberman Clause."
The Reform and Reconstructionist movements use both more equalized versions of the ketubah, and also use documents that are not considered by the Orthodox to be ketubah at all, but rather a new form of Jewish wedding celebration document.
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JEWISH WEDDINGS
Though all methods are halachically valid, the favoured practice since ancient times has been for kiddushin to take place only with kesef (i.e. "with money") - giving an object of value - which is almost always a ring.
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